I walked around the cemetery after my mother and father were both now buried. Mom did not want to get a memorial stone for the grave until she passed. She told me that it should be up to my sister and I what to put on the stone. She did not tell us what she wanted, but she hinted about it enough times that we think we fulfilled her wishes to an exactness even better than if she had put it in writing. You just have to know how Jewish moms are. Jewish memorials in NJ can be quite elaborate and visually stunning. The big Star of David is prominent on plenty of stones in the cemetery.
Mom hinted at not wanting a plain gray stone or white stone. She would talk about how she likes the glossy black look of stones she would see when we visited Dad’s grave. She told us how she really liked reading the epitaphs and seeing the pictures engraved on stones nowadays. I told her that new tools and the use of lasers made it possible to put photos on tombstones. She said how she liked those laser stones a whole lot. She even had us looking at pictures one time telling us how she liked a certain picture of herself and Dad and how it would be perfect if there was ever a gravestone on their grave after she passes. Mom was well versed in subtlety.
She told us what she wanted in Hebrew on the stone too. It is something how she would never ever come out say what she wanted on the tombstone, but she hinted at every detail. She was like that with her birthday gifts too. She would never say something exactly. You had to figure it out from the hints. However, you would get so much more detail from the hints that you really could not make a mistake in what it was that she actually wanted.